Monday, June 21, 2010

What's the exact opposite of "Craftsmanship"?

Lately, i seem to be uncovering more and more examples of previous reno-stooging, that i now have to fix. So much so, that i invented my very own term to describe all the bungled examples of "home improvement". The term is meant to have the exact opposite meaning of "Craftsmanship", Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you to a new piece of vocabulary: "Half-Ass-manship". And just in case the term isn't self-explanatory enough, there will be some prime examples of Half-Ass-manship to follow.

In my last post i mentioned some of the water problems that we were having. Long story short, one of the previous owners decided to protect the exterior basement stairway from rain and snow, by building an awning. However they apparently also decided that the total cost of the awning could not exceed the total amount of Canadian Tire Money that they happened to have on hand. Now the awning keeps rain off of the exterior stairs, but instead channels it into our dining room window. Needless to say the pictures i am about to show you are not pretty, but Glow over at MoneyPit on Steroids, asked me to share some pictures. While i am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that these are indeed pictures of our house, i think they will make for dramatic before and afters.

This first shot is a full frontal of the pile of P/T wood and corrugated plastic that has been built on the back of the house. Yes, the ugly A/C compressors are my fault, but the "Shanty town of Mumbai inspired" roof thing and boarded-up window have absolutely nothing to do with me:

You'll notice running across the boarded up window, a brown downspout that is no longer attached to the brick wall. Well it used to channel water to the storm sewers, but because the awning now lies below it, they decided they would simply cut it off, and let all the rain from the main roof dump onto the awning. In what must have seemed like brilliance to them, they decided they would try to control all that water on top of the awning, with one of these green bendy hoses, unfortunately by pulling the downspout away from the wall to get it to the green bendy thing, they also created a big fat leak where the downspout connects to the gutter, so water splashes all over the awning. And look closely, that's right....of course there's no flashing, just gobs of caulking:

This next picture shows a creative use of cheap white downspouts. This thing reminds of the giant alphorn from the Ricola commercial.

And finally what does a Half-Ass Man do when he needs ten foot posts, but is only willing to pay for 8 footers? Simple he lets them all rest on a single 1 inch piece of wood to support the entire weight of the structure. All that's missing is some duct tape. This last picture, makes me want to go all Mike Holmes-y on someone:

Because i have no idea how to frame a roof, and because i am afraid of heights, i'm going to leave this project up to the pros. Stay tuned and i'll update you on the progress.


Sarah said...

We call it Crapsmanship

Kathy said...

We too, have some fine examples of half-ass-manship. We never had a term for's been more like - "What the hell ? Who does that ?!!" Yup, good times.

glow said...

I'm beginning to think perhaps the previous owners of our home lived at your place first. We call them "dumb and dumber".

Some people.

I should take some pics of our crappity-crap addition/ basement entrance cover, we could compare.

Kelly@TearingUpHouses said...

Holy cow it IS the Ricola man.